


I Started to Wonder

by ReeLeeV



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Family, Hyungki rise, Light Angst, M/M, Single Parents, Tags May Change, baby!Changkyun, best friend!minhyuk, side!joohyuk, single dad!kihyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReeLeeV/pseuds/ReeLeeV
Summary: After Kihyun’s college flame bounces out of town unexpectedly and leaves him with their infant son, Kihyun is left to navigate being a single father while also trying to live out the remainder of his twenties. When he’s set up by a mutual friend to go out with possibly the hottest guy he’s ever met, he thinks things will be just fine. Though, when the hot guy says he isn’t a baby person, Kihyun is left to try and manage this balancing act even more so than before. Will he be able to do it, or will he end up having to leave possibly the best relationship of his life for the most important thing in his world?
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I swear one day I'll stop starting new wips... one day...

Kihyun chuckles softly, his eyes twinkling as he takes a sip of his wine. The man in front of him, Chae Hyungwon Model Extraordinaire, is staring at him with nothing but warmth. His eyes glitter in the candlelight, and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. Kihyun quirks up a brow, noting how Hyungwon’s eyes dart up and down his form for a moment before meeting his gaze again. Kihyun hums softly, setting his wine glass down.

“Still can’t believe Minnie hadn’t set us up before,” Hyungwon comments, leaning back in his chair for a moment. “I could’ve sworn I’d already met all his friends.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says with a half shrug. “I actually only just got back into town, so that may be why…? I’ve been… busy with a lot of things.” He swallows thickly, trying to not let thoughts of the past drag him out of the now. He keeps his gaze solely on Hyungwon in the dimly-lit restaurant, and he feels a fluttering feeling fill his chest.

Wow… he hasn’t felt this way since his ex.

“Do you wanna… go back to your place?” Hyungwon asks, leaning closer and resting his arms on the table. Sirens go off in Kihyun’s head. He wonders if he should say it now, get it out of the way. Of course, that’d likely freak Hyungwon out. What person wants to hear “hey, i have a kid” on the first date? Kihyun knows if  _ he  _ were to be told that… Well, not anymore, of course.  _ Now _ he’d probably try to set up a playdate.

“Yeah,” Kihyun answers, his sense being overridden by his intense desire to have this gorgeous man beneath him and  _ stat _ . Hyungwon beams at him, seemingly relieved by the answer. Kihyun excuses himself from the table for a moment, allowing his hand to linger on Hyungwon’s just enough. He gets out his phone as he heads for the restroom, needing to tell his babysitter to make himself and baby scarce and as soon as possible.

Kihyun starts to wonder if he’s handling this situation wrong. Maybe he should’ve suggested they go to Hyungwon’s place? But, that might have made Hyungwon ask questions. And, if outright asked, Kihyun would most certainly not lie about his having a child. However, he  _ will  _ avoid the truth for as long as possible. Of course, he doesn’t have much time to think this through, mind you, because as soon as he and Hyungwon are on the elevator in his building, Hyungwon’s got his hands on him. Frankly, Kihyun has half a mind to stop the elevator in its tracks then and there, but the only way to keep someone else from calling it up and catching them in the act would be to hit the emergency button.

And, while an exciting first date venture, Kihyun doesn’t really want Hyungwon to think he’s  _ that  _ desperate for a bone.

When the doors open on his floor, Kihyun’s already got Hyungwon’s jacket off and his shirt thoroughly untucked. Hyungwon peers down at him from his pressed position on the wall, chuckling softly between pants of air. Kihyun smirks up at him, grabbing him by the tie and dragging him down the hall. When he opens the door to his apartment and he doesn’t hear anything, he can’t help but be relieved.

“Expecting company?” Hyungwon asks behind him jokingly, and Kihyun glances back with a tight smile. He moves out of the way and quietly closing the door behind them, watching as Hyungwon saunters through the small living room space. He pauses at the couch, hands in his pockets. “Cute place.”

“Cute ass,” Kihyun replies, on him again in a moment. He pushes him down against the couch, straddling him and continuing where they had left off only moments before. Hyungwon snickers between the kisses, pushing his hands underneath Kihyun’s shirt. 

“Figured you were more of a bedroom kind of guy,” he smirks, and Kihyun forces out a light chuckle. Usually he is, but if the babysitter didn’t take the baby out, they’d be right in the other room. And that’s  _ definitely _ a way to kill the mood.

“On the first date?” Kihyun teases, earning a light, airy laugh from the other man. “What kind of man do you take me for?” 

Then, the sound comes that makes Kihyun’s heart stop and sounds through the air. A single, pleading baby’s cry. Hyungwon’s eyes snap up to Kihyun’s in shock, and a tense chuckle gets pushed through his thick lips. Kihyun chews on the inside of his cheek, dropping his forehead against Hyungwon’s chest. 

“Is that what I think it is?” Hyungwon prompts, earning a small hum from Kihyun in reply. There’s shushing noises from the other room, but the cry comes again… and again.

“I’ll be right back, sorry,” Kihyun says, unable to keep himself from kissing Hyungwon one last time before getting off him and going to his room. He leaves the door open, finding Minhyuk standing there, rocking Changkyun from side to side. Kihyun purses his lips, rubbing at his eyes as he steps closer.

“Sorry,” Minhyuk says softly, “he was already asleep when I got your text, and I didn’t want to take him up to take him outside.” 

“No, it’s alright,” Kihyun assures him, already heightening his voice as he takes Changkyun into his arms. Changkyun wails for another moment before quieting down, the cries falling into a coo as he stares up at his father. Kihyun’s expression softens, though he glances up in time to see Hyungwon peeking into the room. Minhyuk looks up, as well, making a soft noise of surprise.

“See, what’d I tell you, Wonnie?” Minhyuk prompts, clapping Kihyun’s shoulder. “Totally your type, right?” Hyungwon seems to hesitate before answering, blinking slowly as his gaze flits between Kihyun and the baby.

“I-I’ve got an early shoot tomorrow,” he mutters out, not meeting Kihyun’s eyes. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll catch you later!” He’s out the door before Kihyun can respond, leaving the older dumbfounded. He can feel Minhyuk’s eyes on him as he sighs softly, returning his attention back to his son and bouncing him from side to side. 

“Did the date not go well?” he asks. Kihyun purses his lips, taking his sweet time answering as he kisses Changkyun’s forehead and setting the baby back down into the crib. Changkyun chirrs out a soft sound, keeping a hand resolutely wrapped around Kihyun’s finger.

“It went perfectly,” Kihyun admits, trying not to sound too disappointed. “I was worried, though… I didn’t know how he’d react about the kid thing.”

“You didn’t tell him,” Minhyuk easily surmises. Kihyun finally breaks eye contact with his son, giving a short nod. Changkyun lets go of him, and Kihyun straightens up. He runs a hand through his hair and walks out of the room, feeling Minhyuk follow close behind. “He would’ve been fine with it, you know, if you’d have given him a little warning. I know him, Ki. He isn’t one of those to be scared off by kids.”

“I was, up until a few months ago,” Kihyun admits, going all the way until he reaches the kitchen. He goes into the fridge for a bottle of water. “I wouldn’t blame him if he was, too.” Minhyuk frowns at him, crossing his arms. Kihyun takes a long drink before pushing out a sigh, reaching over to pat Minhyuk on the shoulder. “Thanks, though… It was a really great date.” Minhyuk hmmphs, seeming unimpressed by the past-tense. 

“I’ve got things from here,” Kihyun goes on to say, nodding towards the bedroom. “You can go on home. I know Heon must be waiting up for you.” Minhyuk offers half a pout, seeming to hesitate before nodding. He gives Kihyun a short hug before going to get his things from the bedroom, leaving Kihyun to think in the kitchen.

“He’ll call,” Minhyuk assures him, one foot out the door. “Trust me… He’ll call you.” Kihyun gives him a smile and a curt nod, taking another drink when Minhyuk finally lets the door shut behind him. Kihyun rubs his face with his hands, releasing a long, heavy exhale. 

Fuck, what a long night… 


	2. Chapter 2

Kihyun pointedly doesn’t wait by the phone all day, even going so far as to let it die on him and pretending he’s too busy taking care of his kid. Of course, that’s much to his mother’s dismay when he finally does plug it in to charge. Along with the general notifications from games he hasn’t had the time to open in months to Minhyuk’s “did Won call yet??” texts, he finds four missed calls from his mother. He sighs heavily, sliding the latest missed call to the right for his phone to automatically dial her number. SHe picks up halfway through the first ring, sounding utterly frantic.

“Kihyunnie??” she asks, her high-pitched tone causing Kihyun to wince. He spares a glance towards his son who’s just fallen into a nap before slipping out of the room to sit on the couch. “What’s happened? Why weren’t you answering? Is Kkungie—?”

“He’s fine, just restless,” Kihyun answers, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer, my phone just died and I didn’t have time to keep up with it, really.” The woman releases a long sigh of relief, humming.

“It was so much easier getting in contact with you to check on my grandson when you were staying here,” she comments. “Can’t you come back for a little while? Or just leave Kyunnie? There’s some of your old toys you left here that I think he’d just  _ adore _ .” Kihyun can’t help but smile, shaking his head fondly at how his mother dotes on his son. 

“We’ll come by for a visit once I have a decent enough job,” he tells her, stifling a yawn. The woman pauses, humming softly.

“How’re you holding up, dear?” she asks, her tone so caring. Kihyun purses his lips, unsure for a moment how to answer that. He doesn’t think he’s had a chance to shower since before his date last night, and that’s been at least twelve hours now. Which, you know, wouldn’t be that big a deal except for all the vomit and spit-up he’s had to deal with. And he can’t even  _ begin _ to try and count all the diapers he’s changed since he’s been back. Though, his ears have pretty much stopped ringing from all the screaming… At least, he’s pretty sure they have.

“As well as I can be,” he finally answers, giving half a shrug. It’s all he can muster right now. “Now that Kyun’s finally down I don’t think I’m too far behind…”

“Didn’t you have a date last night?” his mother prompts, never missing a beat. “How’d that go?” Kihyun has to bite back a groan as he shakes his head, thinking of that failure.

“Great, until he found out I have a kid,” he admits, only semi-bitter. His mother makes a noise of sympathy, as if she had expected as much. 

“It takes a special person to be willing to raise someone else’s child,” she comments knowingly. She seems to hesitate for a moment, which is about as much her style as it is Kihyun’s, and it causes the young man to worry. “I… I’m very proud of you, Kihyunnie. You’ve managed this transition to being a single parent very well. It certainly isn’t the life I wanted for you, but you’re still doing a wonderful job.”

“Trust me,” Kihyun sighs, pursing his lips, “if I could have it another way, I would…” Images of his ex flood his mind, that selfish young woman who just up and left their infant child  _ on his doorstep _ while he was still in class. If not for Minhyuk coming over a bit too early, there’s no telling what could’ve happened to Kyunnie… Anyone could’ve just walked by and taken him, or worse. He gets it that she wasn’t ready to be a mom. Hell, did she think  _ he  _ was ready for fatherhood?? Absolutely not! But, he’s getting ready as fast as he can, because his son needs him. 

The least she could’ve done was leave him a damn note about where she was going…

“Kihyunnie?” his mother asks, grounding him back in reality. He shakes his head again, and he heaves out another sigh.

“Sorry, drifted off for a sec,” he excuses, shoving away all thoughts of his ex. He hopes she’s happy, wherever she is. How she could be after abandoning their child is beyond him, but hey. To each their own.

“Get some rest, dear,” his mother tells him kindly, using that same tone she would use when he was five and scraped his knee. Kihyun nods, wondering in the back of his mind if that’s the tone he’ll use when Changkyun starts pulling even half the stunts he’d pulled growing up. 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Kihyun assures her, falling onto his side gently. He’ll just sleep on the couch, not feeling the need for a bed. His mother chuckles, humming softly and telling him to sleep well before hanging up the phone. He doesn’t even bother putting his phone anywhere as he drifts off all too easily, just lets it slide from his hand onto the couch as his eyes fall shut. 

He can only hope he dreams of something nice for once instead of the insane stress dreams that have plagued him since he found out his ex was pregnant all those months ago.

Kihyun awakens to his phone ringing and to Changkyun crying, much like he often does these days. It makes him feel like a shitty father, because of how much his son cries, but he holds onto his mother’s past reassurances that that’s all babies do is cry and sleep and poop as he stumbles up and into the bedroom. His phone stops ringing as he reaches down into the crib to pick up his son and cradle him close, cooing at him in that soft voice that seems to soothe him. The ringing starts again just as Changkyun starts to calm down and sends him into another fit.

Kihyun has to bite back the acid in his tone when he answers.

“Hey, it’s Hyungwon,” the warm voice says on the other end, causing Kihyun to freeze. Well, shit. He honestly hadn’t expected to ever hear from  _ that _ gorgeous face again… 

“U-Um, hey,” Kihyun repeats his own greeting in surprise, bouncing Changkyun and starting to pace the room in an effort to keep him quiet. “How’re you?” The question feels lame and awkward coming from his own mouth, but he can’t think of much to say and he needs someone to say  _ some _ thing to distract himself from the blood rushing through his ears. 

“I’m good,” Hyungwon answers. “How’s um… Changkyun? Is that his name?” Kihyun immediately squashes down the well of hope that floods inside his chest at Hyungwon asking about Changkyun’s wellbeing. After all, he’s likely just doing it to be nice, polite. It’s what people do.

“He’s fine,” Kihyun answers, glancing gratefully down at his son for being quiet when he needs him to be, for once. 

“Do you… think you can get away tomorrow?” Hyungwon asks hesitantly, his relaxed tone tense in the moment. “I figured we should talk properly about last night.”

“I’ll see if I can get a sitter,” Kihyun answers almost immediately. He winces at himself for how eager he sounds to his own ears. Wow, he really needs to get better at being all cool guy like he was before the whole parenthood thing hit him over the head. He got, like,  _ so _ much more action then. “Where do you want to meet?”

“Isn’t there a coffee place near your apartment?” Hyungwon asks, and Kihyun is vaguely surprised Hyungwon can remember anything from the trek to here. After all, they’d both been pretty preoccupied in the cab with feeling every little bit of each other. 

“Is ten good?” Kihyun asks back, and Hyungwon hums and says that it is, leaving Kihyun feel more than slightly accomplished when he hangs up the phone. Of course, he knows Hyungwon likely really only invited him out to say he doesn’t want to see him again, but you know what? That’s fine. He can deal with that. He’s just glad to get it over with… one way or another.

He calls Minhyuk and pleads with him only a bit for him to come over and watch Changkyun in the morning, and he agrees so long as he can bring Jooheon, too. Kihyun says yes and hangs up just as Changkyun starts crying again, tossing his phone onto his bed and holding the baby upright against himself as he bounces him with more focus now. 

Wow. He sure would be nervous about this breakup date if he, you know, had time to be.


	3. Chapter 3

Kihyun arrives at the cafe the next morning exactly five minutes early, and Hyungwon is exactly seven minutes late. He’s already starting to realize that’s a bit of a trend with him, since he had been late to their date the other night, as well. Of course, when he’d seen how good Hyungwon was looking that night he didn’t really care _quite_ so much. Now, he sits at a table facing the door and sips at a coffee, waiting with pursed lips. 

When Hyungwon does walk in, his aggravation ebbs away just a bit. It falls away more when Hyungwon smiles sleepily at him, as if he had just woken up. Kihyun wonders in the back of his mind what he really looks like when he first wakes up. He wants to rake his fingers through all the twists and turns his bedhead takes, wants to memorize each puffy line of Hyungwon’s just awoken face. However, he pushes such thoughts fully away as he stands, knowing that really isn’t what he should be thinking about when it comes to a guy who’s about to dump him.

Is it dumping when it’s only been one date? Kihyun can’t really remember, it’s been a while since he’s been in this kind of situation.

“Hey,” Hyungwon greets, trying for a bit of a bigger smile as he closes the distance between them and causes Kihyun to stand. Kihyun accepts the small kiss with only slight surprise, repeating Hyungwon’s single-word greeting before he sits back down. 

“Want some coffee?” Kihyun asks, nodding towards the counter. Hyungwon shakes his head, sitting across from Kihyun and clasping his hands together. His eyes flit down to the table, as if he doesn’t quite know where to begin.

“Well… first, I’m sorry for how I reacted the other night,” he says finally, his adam’s apple bobbing in a thick gulp. Kihyun swears he sees Hyungwon’s eyes begin to shake as the younger looks up at him again, and he knows this is it. He inhales deeply, steeling himself for the inevitable.

“I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t disappointed by your reaction,” Kihyun admits, sipping at his americano. “But, I won’t have any bad feelings towards you if you also don’t want to see me anymore… I mean, I get it. We’re both still young. If I were in your shoes I would—” 

“I definitely want to keep seeing you,” Hyungwon admits softly, and Kihyun doesn’t bother hiding his own surprise. The reaction seems to give Hyungwon a sense of confidence, the man straightening up a bit in his seat. “I’m not saying I’ll start, you know, going on playdates with you or anything. I’m a model, not a family man.”

“So…” Kihyun says, his brow furrowing, “is this going to be a don’t ask, don’t tell situation or…?” He can’t help how his own tone grows guarded at this. No matter how attractive Hyungwon is and how good of a kisser Kihyun remembers him being, he’s not going to _hide_ such a big part of his life. As if hearing his thoughts, Hyungwon reaches forward and places a hand against Kihyun’s, shaking his head.

“No,” Hyungwon tells him easily, “I just mean… I don’t know. I’m dating you, not your kid. I’ll understand if he has to take priority, but I’m not ready to settle down or anything. And, if that’s a deal breaker…” 

_Oh_. So Hyungwon’s going to make Kihyun break them up today… Kihyun purses his lips so hard he feels a walnut forming on his chin. Hyungwon’s leaving the ball in his court, but he doesn’t particularly want to play this game. Like so many times since his ex had gotten pregnant, he has to make a choice to either put himself or his kid first. But, which is the better choice? Could he grow to resent his son subconsciously if he keeps giving up relationship after relationship for him? Or, is this even a relationship, anyway? After all, Hyungwon’s basically just confirmed he’s not in it for the long haul… But, is Kihyun?

Kihyun knows he should be. After all, he’s a father now. He shouldn’t even be dating anyone who isn’t going to love his son even half as much as he does. But, at the same time, he’s still only in his twenties. This isn’t how he’d wanted his life to go, though he wouldn’t really change it. He loves Changkyun so much and wants the best for him, always, but he’s still only an infant. Is now really the time to be forcing himself into a lifelong partnership when Changkyun is still so impressionable?

God dammit, it’s too early to be thinking like this. Kihyun just graduated from college for god’s sake! He’s still in the prime of life, and he’s going to enjoy it. And, if that means continuing to date someone as beautiful as Hyungwon even though there’s no future in it, then by fuck he’s gonna do it.

“No, that’s fine,” Kihyun says just as Hyungwon parts his lips to say something more. His answer seems to surprise Hyungwon, and it’s Kihyun’s turn to gain a sense of confidence from it. He releases a long breath, shaking his head at what he’s about to say But, he’s going to follow his gut with this one, and his gut says he’s not done with Hyungwon yet. “I mean, unless you change your mind there’s obviously no future here, but… I don’t know. I don’t mind that, at least not now.” Hyungwon seems to relax at this, nodding a bit and his smile growing easier. 

Kihyun allows himself to lace his fingers around Hyungwon’s, relaxing a bit as he does so. This is fine… Sure, he’d been willing to settle down with his ex to give their kid a stable upbringing, but now that he’s not obligated to do so anymore… At least, for now, this is fine.

Kihyun returns to his apartment some time later, sipping on his third americano and feeling as if he’s walking on cloud nine. His coffee date had taken a quick turn back to Hyungwon’s place to pick up where they had abruptly been interrupted the other night, and Kihyun frankly feels much more at ease about his decision than he had before. When he enters his apartment and sees Minhyuk spoiling Changkyun with affection, he grows even more sure that this is doable.

With his support system and his newfound interest, thinks are really starting to look up. And that’s not just because he just had what was probably some of the best sex in his life.

He interjects when Changkyun starts to cry, taking him from Minhyuk’s arms and shushing him with a shower of kisses all over his face. The baby giggles at clasps his empty hands around empty air as he reaches for his father, and Kihyun feels his heart clinch in his chest. 

This whole parenting thing has its downsides, he’ll admit it, but it’s also pretty damn cool.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up @ReeLeeV1 on Twitter! Any comments/kudos are always appreciated <333333


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